the vma's–what???

Reader Note: This is not my usual post. But as I sit here, poised to go to bed before 8pm because I stayed up late Sunday night watching the MTV Video Music Awards (VMA’s), I feel I’d be remiss if I didn’t say something. So I shall… 

ingredients:
Nonsense and ridiculousness.

servings:
Anyone who wants to waste several hours of their life that they will never get back.

rating:
0 (I won’t waste a bookmark icon.)

preparation:
I LOVE award shows. When the ‘real’ award’s season rolls around I get giddy. The SAG Awards. The Golden Globes (my personal fave). The Grammys. All of course culminating in the Oscars. So while the prestige for the VMAs isn’t nearly as high, historically, they’ve been fun to watch. Until, Sunday…

I invested 2 hours (which wasn’t even the whole show). In retrospect, I have no idea why. Let us begin.

I love Alicia Keys but I’m at a loss as to what her bird’s nest of a hairdo and no make-up look were really trying to convey. It’s an award’s show, make an effort.

Kanye’s 4 minute monologue was so convoluted, I’m not entirely sure if he was ‘medicated’ or not; but clearly, he was just as confused as everyone else about what he was saying–because he made no sense. At all.

Key and Peele are supposed to be funny, so I hear. And I have no idea who the Nicole chick was backstage. What I do want to know is why they were all yelling? You have a mic. I’m watching on tv. I have my own volume button. There’s no need to yell at me. Plus, I have no idea what any of you are talking about so yelling isn’t going to make it any clearer.

Why Rhianna appeared four times, I don’t know. But I’m convinced that the 2nd performance was just her and her extended entourage dancing on stage. At least the majority of her songs I could understand; Future on the other hand, not so much. If you begged me to recite one word of what he sang last night, I wouldn’t be able to help you out.

The one. And only. Saving grace. For the entire painful experience. You guessed it. One word. Beyoncé. She is everything for a reason.

Which brings me to my final observation–Britney. Her performance was hyped as her return to the VMAs. That’s fine. But she performed after Bey. No one should ever perform after Beyoncé. Let’s be clear, if Bey is performing at a show, just let her close it out. It’s not fair to anyone to have to follow her, it’s just not. Beyoncé had fire, smoke, wind (she may have even had snow and rain), a costume change, and about 500 back up dancers. Britney had 2 side-kicks, banana yellow thigh high boots, and a rapper no one knew. Sorry Britney, I apologize on behalf of MTV.

difficulty level:
Impossible. Just Google Beyoncé’s performance and get some rest. I did the time so no one else has to suffer. You’re welcome.