Why I Feel Like I Have Nothing to Wear (And It’s Not About the Clothes)

Have you ever looked in your closet and declared you have nothing to wear, even though you’re staring at a wardrobe full of clothes? And then you start to spiral and decide you also have no shoes, you hate your bedspread, the vanity in your bathroom drives you crazy, and why will the cabinet in the kitchen not close right?!

I’ve been showing up and working really hard on the business of building a business. I thought I’d be so much farther along than I am. I figured my days would be structured. A routine established. And of course I’d have replaced my corporate salary. After all, I’ve been at this for two whole months.

Well, there is no routine. And I’m a little embarrassed to say, some days, I don’t leave the house. I’ve all but given up on makeup. Alicia Keys’ fresh face look is making a statement, I’m leaning more towards—eh, why bother, plus my mascara is clumpy.

It’s a little reminiscent of the Covid lockdown. But then I had a dog, so I was going outside multiple times a day. And since I was working from home, I had to be on camera, so I had to look presentable. But when I’m working for myself. By myself. Why bother?

It’s hard to describe the messiness this is causing in my brain, even though logically, I know the clothing lack isn’t related to the business struggle.

So this week’s post has been a struggle for me. I’m having one of those: I hate all of my clothes. I have no idea how to run a business. My house isn’t “finished.” I’m out of shape and need to train for the race with my brother—but I’m out of shape. And I should probably find some sort of job so I have an income. But really, all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch repeats of the worst show ever made—CSI: Miami. Don’t judge me, I just said I’m fully aware it’s utterly ridiculous.

But have you ever had a vision so clear, and yet you can’t seem to get there? I know how I want my wardrobe to look. How I want my house to feel. What I want my business to be (for the most part). And I’ve heard all of the, focus on one task. One step. It all starts with defining your priorities. How??? I want everything done and/or running smoothly—now.

 I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. To say it is rampant in my family would be an understatement. It often makes the gap between what I want to do, need to do, and can do indecipherable and enormous.

I try to do things to manage it—journal, prayer, sitting quietly/meditation. And all of that helps. But right now… I need more.

This isn’t depression, I know what that feels like. It’s anxiety, frustration, and exhaustion all rolled into one. Lovely place to be, don’t you think?

I’m trying to combat it. I signed up for a small business mentor (hasn’t been assigned yet). I’m spending time with family and friends. I’m reading.

I need to sort myself out. I’m pushing through. And yet, I’m not.

Does anyone ever feel like this? Am I making any sense at all???