Poor Plane Etiquette

As if the ridiculously high baggage fees, nonsensical charge for disgusting airplane food, and the sometimes flat out stupid and invasive TSA screenings don’t make traveling hard enough; I honestly believe that if Ashton Kutcher still made Punk’d, I’d be on it right now.

On a plane to Miami for a content strategies conference. Now, I have no idea what I’m heading into because the hotel the conference is at had 416 terrible ratings online and only 246 great. We’ll see what happens upon arrival. Which all starts with the plane ride. And yes, I’m typing this ‘incognito’ as the offending passenger sits next to me.

He’s in the middle seat and I’m in the aisle. The flight was overbooked so they asked for people to give up their seats. Why could he not have been one??? Apparently, he lost the battery cover on his cell phone. So, after sitting down he had to get off the plane and go search the airport to no avail. He then decides to take his jacket off and put it in the overhead bin because the plane is too hot. Because THAT often happens–not. No need for me to get up, he’ll just reach over me, twice, open the bin and tuck his jacket in. And don’t worry about anything falling on my head. Next, he’s hunched over doing something…the something, removing his shoes. No, I am NOT making this up. The next thing I know he kicks me with his, thankfully, socked foot. Next, the flight attendants come around to offer the only thing free on planes these days–soda and water; my seat compadre gets a Chardonnay and a glass of water. But see, now he needs something out of his book bag, which is under the seat. What’s a guy to do? But to ask me to open my tray table so he can put the water on my tray while he tends to his personal situation. Sure, no problem. And of course I don’t mind if you shoo your pretzel crumbs all over me now that you’re done eating. Currently, he’s in the bathroom. I can only imagine what the next hour and ten minutes hold…How this will end and what lies before me.